We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
