please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
