I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
