There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
