i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
