Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
