I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
