Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
