it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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