My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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