giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
