do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
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Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
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Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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