I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
