As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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