so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
