even my farts smell like vagina
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
