she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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