How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
