You really coming over, don't trick.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
