oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
