Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
