hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Sorry about my life...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
