i was born a porn star she said
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
