Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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