i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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