At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
