your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
