she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He did a backflip because drugs
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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