you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
