the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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