Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
