Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
