why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
