I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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