ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
