Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
