Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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