the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
