and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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