I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Vodka?
Forever.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
