I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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