I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize