I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
