also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
