I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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