dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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