he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
