every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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