There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
