I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We have so much sex to catch up on
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
