I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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