i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
