Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
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My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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