Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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