it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
