Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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