This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
