Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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