cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
