Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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