she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
