The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
