It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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