Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
