Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
