i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
